backtothefuture
04-25-2008, 02:49 PM
Growth Through Brokenness
After just coming out of another difficult time in my life, I have been trying to figure out why my breakdown went so well this time;)
I haven't figured out if its all the baths that I take and talk talk talk to God that made the difference. Or my attitude this time to just roll with it.
Just let it happen and see what I can learn this time. I think it was a little of both.
We have talked on other threads about why we still go through the same trauma sometimes, have the same lingering feelings about certain situations, when we feel we have done that been there, so why I am going through this once again.
I have come to the conclusion, that the brokenness though for some of us coming at a high price, also can help us learn what we need to take us to the next stage of our lives.
Heck, I am 57. Have had a life time of pain and suffering. I just couldn't imagine what I needed to learn at this point in my life. After all, I had learned about everything right:rolleyes:
What I learned was so incredible for me. The pieces were put in place from the minute I decided to go into treatment for the trauma I was in from months with my teeth. The pain had led me to wanting to just lock myself in the car and turn the gas on. What I also learned was that was just the icing on the cake. I had been in grief about lots of things this past year.
When I got to the hospital. I did the out patient program. I got a doctor who had built the behavioral center here in my town and worked there for 30 years. My own family doctor still can't believe I got him. I met him the first day. Kind of reminded me of Ed:) That was a good thing. He was big and warm and used the word blessed a lot. I told him I was afraid he was going to shove a bunch of antidepressants down me, which I can't take because of stomach ulcers. He just smiled at me and said he practiced painless Psychiatry. I sat there waiting for the worse and in the end he prescribed the same medicine I was on, but in a time released form. Said they just came out with it 2 weeks ago. The next day, I was totally calmed down. Which calmed down the clenching in my teeth and I sat through a 6 hour program and at the end of the day noticed my teeth were not so sore. I could have left, but wanted to see what God would have me learn this time.
Two days after starting my program, one of the couples from Bagel church brought me flowers, another a soft truffle that I could eat, 4 friends sent cards. My sister came and picked me up after the first week, so I didn't have to wait an hour for my husband. My brother called me from Colorado wanting to make sure I was all right and when he got home he offered to help pick me up also. My son, cleaned the house, did all the grocery shopping and took care of the animals. My daughter also offered to take and pick me up. My ex mother in law that I haven't seen in 38 years, still prays for my family and sent me an e-mail, telling me she loves me. (now she is 96 years old and manages to work e-mailing) Then I got a card from her this week. A friend drove 30 miles to come and have lunch with me.
I was just in awe. This was the first time in my life, I was not the one giving grace, but I was the one getting grace. And God opened the eyes of my heart to see this.
So for me, B-R-O-K-E-N-N-E-S-S I have seen isn't always a disaster.
I have seen you can survive in brokenness, and function and rest in the middle of it.
I read the Psalms a lot. I read that God was my rock, my shield, sends his angels to watch over you. A broken heart God does not despise.
But the most important lesson was the eye opening to the Grace that is here for me every minute of my day, my life, my ups my downs. My brokenness.
He Restores my soul.
Blessings,
Nancy
After just coming out of another difficult time in my life, I have been trying to figure out why my breakdown went so well this time;)
I haven't figured out if its all the baths that I take and talk talk talk to God that made the difference. Or my attitude this time to just roll with it.
Just let it happen and see what I can learn this time. I think it was a little of both.
We have talked on other threads about why we still go through the same trauma sometimes, have the same lingering feelings about certain situations, when we feel we have done that been there, so why I am going through this once again.
I have come to the conclusion, that the brokenness though for some of us coming at a high price, also can help us learn what we need to take us to the next stage of our lives.
Heck, I am 57. Have had a life time of pain and suffering. I just couldn't imagine what I needed to learn at this point in my life. After all, I had learned about everything right:rolleyes:
What I learned was so incredible for me. The pieces were put in place from the minute I decided to go into treatment for the trauma I was in from months with my teeth. The pain had led me to wanting to just lock myself in the car and turn the gas on. What I also learned was that was just the icing on the cake. I had been in grief about lots of things this past year.
When I got to the hospital. I did the out patient program. I got a doctor who had built the behavioral center here in my town and worked there for 30 years. My own family doctor still can't believe I got him. I met him the first day. Kind of reminded me of Ed:) That was a good thing. He was big and warm and used the word blessed a lot. I told him I was afraid he was going to shove a bunch of antidepressants down me, which I can't take because of stomach ulcers. He just smiled at me and said he practiced painless Psychiatry. I sat there waiting for the worse and in the end he prescribed the same medicine I was on, but in a time released form. Said they just came out with it 2 weeks ago. The next day, I was totally calmed down. Which calmed down the clenching in my teeth and I sat through a 6 hour program and at the end of the day noticed my teeth were not so sore. I could have left, but wanted to see what God would have me learn this time.
Two days after starting my program, one of the couples from Bagel church brought me flowers, another a soft truffle that I could eat, 4 friends sent cards. My sister came and picked me up after the first week, so I didn't have to wait an hour for my husband. My brother called me from Colorado wanting to make sure I was all right and when he got home he offered to help pick me up also. My son, cleaned the house, did all the grocery shopping and took care of the animals. My daughter also offered to take and pick me up. My ex mother in law that I haven't seen in 38 years, still prays for my family and sent me an e-mail, telling me she loves me. (now she is 96 years old and manages to work e-mailing) Then I got a card from her this week. A friend drove 30 miles to come and have lunch with me.
I was just in awe. This was the first time in my life, I was not the one giving grace, but I was the one getting grace. And God opened the eyes of my heart to see this.
So for me, B-R-O-K-E-N-N-E-S-S I have seen isn't always a disaster.
I have seen you can survive in brokenness, and function and rest in the middle of it.
I read the Psalms a lot. I read that God was my rock, my shield, sends his angels to watch over you. A broken heart God does not despise.
But the most important lesson was the eye opening to the Grace that is here for me every minute of my day, my life, my ups my downs. My brokenness.
He Restores my soul.
Blessings,
Nancy