Resist not the truth

[Infinite Grace]

Some time ago, while on our friend Amie's site, I bookmarked Bill Ferguson's Mastery of Life website. I perused it occasionally for quite some time, but finally, just a few weeks ago, subscribed to his free Mastery of Life e-mail course. While the courses I have received have been good, only one has made a revolutionary change in my life. It was one in which Bill told me to "not resist the truth."

What Bill taught me was that the circumstances happening around me were "the truth." No amount of ranting, raving, or anger could change the truth. The example that I use is if a tree falls over in my yard, that is the truth. I can't change it by yelling at the tree. What I can do is take wise action. It reminds me of the old serenity prayer: "to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." Did you notice in that section of that prayer there was no mention of anger, anxiety, etc.?

You see, so often our problems arise from our reaction, rather than our action, towards those things that happen around us - the truth. We resist that truth, much to no avail. All that is accomplished is that we become angry, anxious, stressed, etc. What we need to do is realize the truthfulness of what is happening, and then implement the prayer - accepting what I cannot change (like my wife), courage to change the things I can (like where I work), and wisdom to know the difference. That's the key - wisdom, not anger. Faith, not anxiety. Contentment, not stress.

Don't get me wrong; anger, anxiety and stress are important emotions for our psyche, a certain amount is important to keeping us healthy. But when our lives revolve around our reactions, those reactions will get more intense and have the potential of causing us great harm.

So, with these thoughts, may I suggest to all here that we "resist not the truth." And join with 12 step people all over the world in praying Reinhold Niebuhr's prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

[Paige]

Ed,

Your thoughts echo a very important "truth" that I grasped in the Byron Katie book. God is reality. God is sovereign, so nothing happens that has taken God by surprise. If I'm fighting against (or resisting) reality, I am resisting God.


You see, so often our problems arise from our reaction, rather than our action, towards those things that happen around us - the truth.

Exactly. What Katie points out is that our suffering comes as a result of the way we interpret the meaning of reality. Reality is truth. Our interpretations of what that reality means is not always truth. If we choose to believe an untrue story about reality, we suffer.

For me, much suffering has been avoided simply by acknowledging that I have the human capability to tell myself stories that aren't true, and then examining my interpretations (stories) as they come. Its called 'doing the work.'

[Infinite Grace]

I believe that this is where the postmodern paradigm is so important to the 21st century Christian. Some folks have bad-mouthed postmodernism as "there are no absolutes" which is an oversimplification of postmodernism (although there are many who embrace postmodernism as "there are no absolutes.")

The important thing to remember is not everything is as cut-and-dried as most of the conservative church-goers have believed. It is obvious when reading the bible, IF we let the bible speak for itself. Since fundamentalism doesn't want to do that, we find them seeped in archaic ideas that have no basis in reality - and especially not in scripture.

[Amie]

Ed,

I think that many folks view postmodernism as having a lack of absolutes because well, of the calmer mind-frame. Also, lack of imposed law doesn't mean lack of ethics, but I'm preachin' to the choir here I know, lol.

I got into a heated debate once with a man who thought I had no place at the theological table. I felt horrible. He said hurtful things, and I hurt. I spoke defensively and it didn't feel good to tear another person down. Eventually, I stopped. I realized that I could stay back and fight about whether or not I should be a part of things, or I could be a part of things. He still speaks out against what I do and name-calls. It doesn't hurt me anymore. Once I left that mindset, I could love him just as he is. A man, arguing with reality - and I'm still guilty of arguing with reality every once in a blue moon (if blue moons are almost every day, hahaha).

Bill Ferguson's writing has taught me A LOT. Being able to step back and ask myself what I am resisting in the moment that I feel upset, has helped me to take responsibility for what I do next.

Sometimes the acceptence of a thing is a process. I had to cry, talk, sing, and rant alittle when my husband didn't get the promotion he was going for. You know the saying, "Some things are hard to swallow". I wonder if there is a way to articulate the difference between the process of acceptence, and denial/resistence?

Amie

[Lauri]

Amie,

you wrote,
Sometimes the acceptence of a thing is a process. I had to cry, talk, sing, and rant alittle when my husband didn't get the promotion he was going for. You know the saying, "Some things are hard to swallow". I wonder if there is a way to articulate the difference between the process of acceptence, and denial/resistence?


I'm sorry to hear that, was that from the first time or the most recent? I would like ask the same question. Andy and I are both struggling to love what is right now. The past two weeks he had two interviews for jobs we were very hopeful for both of which did not result in a job. Reality can be very hard to swallow sometimes. Especially when you get your hopes up really high and then it doesn't happen. Is the answer never to get your hopes up? Some how I don't think so, but then how do you handle the dissapointment when it doesn't happen and still be happy with what is? It's also hard when I pray for something to happen and it doesn't, not to feel like God has let me down. I have begun to pray that whatever is suppose to happen will happen, that way I don't feel God has let me down when I pray earnestly for something specific and it doesn't happen. Is that a cop out? Just some some questions I've been struggling with lately.

Lauri

[Amie]

Lauri,

It is the recent one. He lost out to a woman because she is a woman and is afro-american. The company had a quota to meet. We don't want to fight it because of what we would be fighting. Minorities don't have alternative protection right now. Either we would fight and loose for sure because of that, or we would fight and win - so we would still loose.

We're seriously considering relocating just so he can advance within the company. One thing that I find hard to swallow is major change. Compared to remaining stagnit (sp), it is the lesser of the evils though.

I wonder sometimes if God sees our prayers like if my 13 year old asked me to tie his shoes for him. It may be that we are more than capable and just don't see it. I wouldn't know - can't see it..

Amie

[Lauri]

Amie,
That sucks big time!:mad: I feel for you. I have a hard time with major change too, and relocating is a big one. We have done it enough times to make me wish we could just stay put, I'm tired of moving and I don't want to move far away from my daughter. That being said I have started telling myself a new story, one that says we've moved before and survived it we can move again. If that is what we need to do again than that is what we need to do, it could be a new adventure for us.

You do have one thing going for you if you do decide to relocate, it's that your son WANTS to move. The older your kids get the harder it is to move. Jen was going into 6th grade when we moved here and that was pretty tramatic, she did not want to move, but it worked out good and she turned out just fine.

Tim shared with us some things when Andy wrote to him a while back that I don't think he would mind if I shared here that helped us. He wrote
BUT, what if you begin rallying yourself to tell a new story (and yes, I know this will be difficult and require a great deal of energy to switch gears). A story that says that what you've gone through may just have been something necessary to get you where you are today? What if you never would have considered selling your home or moving without hitting this wall? Or what if you would have taken a job locally when God has something much better for you somewhere else?


About weather God sees our prayers, Andy brought up something the other day. He was reminding me of a daily download from Presence that talked about when the scripture said that God remembered Noah. It wasn't that God suddenly said oh ya I forgot about Noah I better take care of him. In Hebrew remember is more of an action than a thought, when it says he remembered Noah it means it was time for Him to do something new in Noahs journey. So our prayer has been Lord please remember us.

I don't know if any of that helps you in your situation, but it helps remind me of some important principles as I write it out.

Lauri

[Amie]

Lauri,

That's like what I was saying as for our capabilities. We are capable of taking care of ourselves. God made us that way.

My capabilities do not guarantee my having knowledge in using them. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do; but there again, I always do something.

Amie

[Paige]

In going back over this thread, it dawned on me that our family has experienced some learning through a recent development. I hope you all don't mind a testimony, so here goes:

Our oldest son experienced something very painful just a few days ago. In talking with him, he shared a huge praise. He said that about 5 minutes after leaving the situation he began to "thank" God! He came up square against the truth, and although it was painful to see, God's grace allowed him to experience gratitude and relief.

I feel that we get ourselves into many situations that we aren't even aware we need to be "saved" out of (hope that makes sense). I think it was the Apostle Paul who wrote, "in everything give thanks." I take that to mean that although we might not be thankful "for" everything that happens in life, we can be thankful "in" all situations, even that pain we are experiencing. In hindsight, I've learned some of the most valuable lessons in painful times. Could this be the secret to "loving what is (reality)?"


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Ed, I went back over that prayer and the content is simply amazing! I've never been in a 12 step program before, but I'm seriously considering getting this prayer made into a plaque for one of my walls in our home. The only thing I would like to change about it is the line that says, "supremely happy with him forever in the next." I really think that we can experience that supreme happiness in this life, regardless of personal circumstances.

Hope you all don't mind the rambling thoughts!

Paige

[Lauri]

Paige,
I'm glad you son could see the positive through his pain, that is rare. I will pray for him. Break ups are always hard but the way he had to experience it is especially so. Jen went through a breakup last year from a two year relationship but it was mutual and they have remained friends and it was still painful for her, so I can imagine his heart is breaking. I will also pray for you because I know from experience how hard it is for a mom to watch their baby be in pain.

On another note it is interesting that you posted in this thread, because it made me also read back through the posts. The one I posted about major change and relocation was very timely (maybe I needed to be reminded of it again). It is looking more and more like we will be moving to Tucson for Andy to work for a company called Bombardier who builds and fixes airplanes. He just got a e-mail tonight from the HR guy who asked him when he can travel down their to visit with him. So far nothing has turned up here job wise. We are still waiting to hear about one job he interviewed for but it's a long shot, about 300 people interviewed for it. Moving away from our daughter will be the most difficult. We are just so ready for this uncertainty and waiting to be over. Also on the plus side we would only be about 100 miles from Andy's Mom and my Parents. Please pray for us that whatever is suppose to happen will happen.

Lauri

[Infinite Grace]

Paige,
In tying this in with our recent discussions regarding "church", the author of that poem is Reinhold Neibuhr, a UCC theologian and minister.

lol, just thought that was interesting.

[Paige]

Lauri,

Please keep us all informed on how that goes. My dad and stepmom just bought a small house in Green Valley, which is close to Tucson (I think). They plan on being there 8 mos. of the year, and then here for 4. Maybe if you do relocate, I'll be able to look you guys up if we ever get down there in the winter for a visit. (The thought of warm weather sounds thrilling to me right now!) I'll definitely be keeping you in prayer.

As for Greg, I am just so relieved at how he is putting things together. He really has learned so much in just a short time, and I feel he has drawn closer to God through it all. Hopefully, this will help him refine some of his personal choices regarding relationships in the future.

Ed,

That is a coincidence! ;)

Paige

[Lauri]

Paige,
Wow you son sounds mature beyond his years! Must have been good parenting. Say your son is 20 and single now and my daughter is 20 and single now, hmm... too bad we can't still do arranged marriages, after all don't we parents now what's best for our kids, lol, jk :eek: Is your son going to college somewhere? That helped our daughter take her mind off the breakup. Summer was hard but when she got back to school it helped distract her.

How do your parents like Green Valley? How are the housing costs there. I'm sure we will be looking to buy something outside of Tucson. That would be GREAT to get together with you guys if you come to visit your folks. (look at me I'm talking like he already has the job).

Lauri

[Paige]

Lauri,

Greg is almost finished with his Law Enforcement Degree. He is interning with the Post Falls Police Dept. this semester (putting in 400 hrs. + 1 class a week), and then he will graduate in late May. He is interviewing tomorrow for a seasonal position this summer with the Marine Deputies. (They can hire officers under the age of 21.) He's hoping to get the position, but it will finish up in Sept. I'm guessing. Then he will probably have to wait to get a full fime position until he turns 21 next March. His employer has told him that if he leaves to work with the Marine division, he is welcome back as soon as the job ends, so that is nice to know that he has employment to fall back on. Being busy has helped him tremendously since the incident.

I would love to play matchmaker for Greg and Jen, lol. Its too bad we parents just can't always get our way!!!

My parents love Green Valley. I haven't asked my dad about the costs, but I know it is a big time retirement community. I'm rather envious that they get to enjoy such beautiful weather year round. If I had my way, when Dave retires we would be down there for at least 3 mos. of the year. The older I'm getting, the more I dread cold weather and lack of sunshine. I have an Aunt and Uncle who live in Tucson, and also another Uncle (who is blind and my dad is helping look after) in Green Valley. Next time I talk to my dad, I'll ask about housing costs.

Paige

[backtothefuture]

Hi,
This entire thread has been so encouraging to me. For a long time I felt my pain and suffering was my reality. We had so much of it here and throughout my life. Part or a big time of my dysfunctional thinking, was wondering where God was in all of this. I was from a very fundamental background and was beginning to think God was on a different planet. I have prayed and fasted and been anointed in oil and claimed every verse that a good evangelical would claim for healing and help.
What happened was, after 2 years of sorting it all out, I was awakened to Grace. Something so different than what I had been taught. I saw with new eyes the reason for my pain and suffering and that was to get to the distorted views I had especially about myself. It has been such an incredible learning experience.
Those of us like myself who fundamentally took everything word for word in the bible for what I wanted, have been sorely disappointed with God. I am so thankful that I worked through that. Because I have a daughter now, who is on her path of finding out who she is I can see how my walk in the wilderness to find my true self, may perhaps help her. Last week she came flying through the front door, saying, "mom, don't you dare tell me things will work out" Her best friends mom is always telling her friend that. So I just belted out, ok, Life's a Bitch and then you die. Something I would usually never say, but she said, thats better and we had a great talk. And since then, I have been able to talk to her more about her distortion of herself, the false self, so to say and be more real with her. I don't know if any of this makes sense. Sometimes I don't know myself how to explain it. But it does come down to God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change. I told my daughter. (who is 95 pounds and 4 ft 9 at 25 years old) we can't change our parents, siblings, height, past, but we can change, our jobs, our hair style, the way we look at things. That we (she) can make the choice to walk out of the place she is in and that is where her healing will be.
Life is hard. Life is not always fair. Life is complicated. But with faith, I do believe we can find the courage to change the things we can.
Blessings to you all
Nancy

[Paige]

That was a wonderful testimony, Nancy! I especially identify w/ the statement about changing the way we look at things. I think one of the most important steps in our journey w/God.

Paige