Unpretty

[Amie]

This is an older one, and I totally didn't read over the site that I found it in so watch out for any surrounding info! The song is called "Unpretty" by TLC. The video kept messing up on me and I'm on broadband (maybe it's due to high traffic right now), but you can hear the song at:

http://www.singingfool.com/default.asp?frame=http://www.singingfool.com/musicvideo.asp?publishedid=00447151

Lyrics:


T-Boz:
I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)

Chilli:
My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'

Chorus:
T-Boz & Chilli:
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that Mac can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in the position to make me feel so damn unpretty

T-Boz & Chilli:
Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm in stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I'll get back to me (hey)

Chilli:
My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I can't believe I'm trippin'

Chorus

Chorus

T-Boz & Chilli:
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh (oh)
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh (oh)

Chorus

Chorus

How many of us give others the power to make us feel unpretty!!!

[alicia]

Amie,

I couldn't help but respond to this one.....being a mother of three girls, this hit a nerve. The "stuff" they go through with peers/ "friends" is absolutely unbelieveable. I'm constantly putting bandaids on my middle child's heart (13) because she tries to "fit in". I actually bought a horse for her 6 years ago because she was struggling with catty kids at school (a parochial one at that) and it was actually the best investment I've ever made. I told her they would be best friends for life. They still are. Now when she has a bad day, she goes for a ride or if she can't she plays the piano. It's her stress relief. We practice survival skills because she's not very good at protecting herself. Fortunately she does have a good big sister that looks out for her and a couple good friends that are pretty solid.

The oldest (16) gets the gossipy, labeling stuff, completely unwarranted. She can pretty much hold her own, but it still hurts. She usually goes running or listens to music. She vents to me a lot and then we try to look at it with a sense of humor. Like she really has time to do all this whatever the current accusation/rumor is!!! Really, you gotta laugh at it sometimes otherwise it would crush us.

The youngest gets hurt too, but not as much yet. I just hold her and tell her how much I love her and everything is ok then.

Anyway, my 2 cents worth -

Alicia

[Amie]

Alicia,

It's good that they have a Mom like you! It's so beautiful how your love for your youngest helps her to love herself.

A little self-acceptance would go a long way for all of us, would it not?

When my daughter was in kindergarten her teacher led the other teachers in the decission to no longer say the word "fat". If they were reading a Dr Suess book for example, the teachers would instead say "at", and insist that the children do it as well.

My son has always been overweight. Because of the way it was being handled at school, my daughter began to see the word "fat" as something negative, and it only took seconds for that to click with being fat as something negative. It came out one night in dinner when she said something to her brother at dinner in disgust about his weight.

When he was younger, other kids would say "you're fat", and at first it hurt his feelings. When he brought that home I told him to tell them "So, I looove my belly!", and then to give his "buddha" a rub, lol. My husband and I also talked about how much we love his belly, and my hubby began to "rub his buddha" for luck too. It wasn't long before our son actually loved his belly.

We were open about his (and some of us) being "fat" and we treated the word as a reality, and not something negative. Being "fat" is no different than being thin, blonde, or whatever. It is just an adjective.

Since our family had this view of "fat", we were surprised to hear our daughter's words. In just a few questions we learned that the school was the source of her outlook.

I wrote to the teacher and told her that if she treats the word "fat" as something bad and evil, the children will see it that way as well. If she really wanted to help out the fat kids, she needed to work toward taking the negative power out of the word "fat".

She actually called me crying. She had been fat her whole life and never had anyone suggested that she love who she is! She undid the deed, and later had her tummy stapled - loosing hundreds of pounds. <--True story!

All that she needed was just a taste of self-love and she was a fantastic teacher and person (still is).

I like these lines in the song:


But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in the position to make me feel so damn unpretty

She has become someone to be in the position to make herself feel that way. That look inside can be both freeing, and very hard, I'm still looking.

Amie

[alicia]

I love to hear success stories like that!

I think the most interesting people to interact with are blind ones. They are so in tune to the voice, sounds, smells, and their sense of touch. No visual labels, anyway. Most of the ones I've met are so kind and sensitive too, when they could be very bitter. Perfect role models of how to be in the present and how we should treat others.

[Amie]

Alicia,

It's nice to be reminded that not every person on earth is so appearance - focused. I imagine that a blind person would understand self identity in a different and eye opening way. I would love to listen.

Amie