"Because of You"

[Amie]

"Because of You" (on Kelly Clarkson's CD) had to be my favorite song at the moment. My musical tastes vary. I like rock n roll, heavy metal, punk, classical, oldies, pop, country, Celtic, etc etc. The lyrics to this song absolutely move me. If you've never heard the song, I at least want to share the lyrics:

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

[lucinda]

"I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with"

This verse really hits me hard and made me cry the first time I heard it. I feel that so many people are forced to be what they are not for the sake of our parents. I think that this song is directed at a parent whether it was a mom or dad. If you have had the chance to see the video it depicts a grown women looking back at her father leaving her and her mom behind. Not only did the young girl fake a smile for her dad, she also did for the mom that was left behind in heart ache. It's hard to watch if you have a similiar situation. It brings to mind a old movie I had seen years ago. "Hope Floats" with Sandra Bullock. That was such a strong, realistic movie about what a family goes through.

[Amie]

The video also shows what happened before the Dad left. The parents fought in front of her, not thinking at all of how it hurt her. One scene, shows the Mom run into her bedroom in pain. The little girl follows behind, only to have Mom shut the door in her face.

I remember having to keep the peace when I was little. I pretended that things were fine and answered all of the questions right so my parents (especially my Mom) would stay calm.

I also remember what it was like being lost in the chaos, with "no one" to comfort me. I say "no one" because it is my firm belief that God was there.

My Dad and Mom divorced when I was very young. (My Mom's new marriage was horrible too) In the video, the little girl runs behind her Dad with his suitcase as he is leaving. He walks over to her, barely noticing her there, physically pulls her hand from his suitcase handle, and leaves.

I remember that feeling also. This song hit the heart for me.

This doesn't mean I'm perfect as a parent myself. I think that I'll be working through my baggage for a lifetime. Thank God for grace or I would be too ashamed to face my poor choices and will have never tried a thing.

Amie