Barry
02-18-2006, 01:41 PM
The purpose of this forum article- thread starter, is to promote discussion along the lines of our apparent need to be right.
Thought you might enjoy it's facetious character.
THE IMPORTANCE OF WINNING THAT ARGUMENT
Winning an argument is very important. Every time you win an argument, you further establish your superior thinking and intellect. In winning that argument you are going to feel much better about your self. In addition to this there is a very good chance that you will be able to right a wrong, and correct an error.
Being right is very important. However, you may feel at times that all the facts may not be on your side. This is when you need to 'dig deeper' and look for that 'God given' creativity that you have. Surely you can find something that you can use for leverage. It could be a skeleton in the closet or some past history that can be regurgitated. After all being proven wrong is simply humiliating. Let’s be very clear on the matter at hand. We are talking about nothing less than your very self-esteem. Once you admit to being wrong there may be no end to the vicious cycle that you have allowed to develop. Just think about it for a moment. If you are wrong this time, it is possible that you are wrong very often! Do not let this happen to you! You may never fully recuperate.
There are ways of avoiding the experience of that very embarrassing moment (losing an argument or being proven wrong). One of the tricks is to actually agree on some less than key issues or points that the other has made and then take these points into a larger setting and context that actually disproves the other person’s initial premise. This, if well executed, can successfully take the other person off guard. Once they are off guard, you have the time to gather your thoughts and prepare your explanation for how the other person’s initial points were actually wrong when seen in the greater truth. Yes it is your truth. But since being right is so very important to our feeling of self-worth and self-esteem, we can safely conclude that it is this truth that needs to be true. It is true because it is connected to our feeling of self-worth. It is connected to our feeling of self-worth because we know instinctively how important it is to be right.
There are however some dangers here. You must be somewhat careful to not appear overly arrogant. There are at least a couple of ways to avoid this unnecessary embarrassment:
If you are religiously minded you may be able to begin by presenting yourself as a humble servant of God and truth. If you chose this road you must be extra careful. Clear visible signs of needing to be right can be used against you for they are then seen as your arrogance and your unwillingness to follow the very truth that you claim that you follow. That can worsen the experience of being wrong. This is a very delicate balance to maintain.
Another approach is to claim that you are right because you follow God. The need to be right is then multiplied exponentially. Imagine the damage to your self-esteem and self-worth if you are proven wrong on the very thing that you have used to maintain that you are right! Not only have you then lost an argument and have been proven to be wrong, but also you have been shown to be wrong in your being right with God! This may indicate that you are less than a good follower of God. Needless to say, this must be avoided if at all possible.
If by chance the unthinkable occurs and you are faced with such a humiliation there are still ways of recuperating. It is quite simple actually. Adapt the newfound truth with a newfound eagerness to be right. By merging this new idea with the need to be right, one’s feelings of self-adequacy can return in no time at all. In such a case we should see this as a new start. After all we were willing to be wrong and repent and follow God. This proves our humility and furthermore our willingness to be right with God is evidenced by our willingness to accept that we were previously wrong so that now we can be right.
You may avoid the embarrassment of appearing arrogant by denying it. Just denounce the very idea, claim that you are still right, and move on to your next point. Mind you, if you are not making the claim that you are a religious person, then this is not so nearly as delicate a situation. You may appear more arrogant in this instance because your arrogance in this situation cannot be so easily used against you. You can therefore more successfully pull off the “so what if I’m a bit arrogant, I’m still right” argument. Over-do it however and it may still contribute to your loosing that argument - observable arrogance may still be a point against you. Denial is still the best choice as you can then make the case that the other person is simply attacking your character because they know that you have a better grasp of the facts. Then you can counter with the same point and call them arrogant (redirect). Even if you can’t win this argument you can still create an impasse and avoid the embarrassment of being wrong. Creating such an impasse is always preferable to loosing the argument.
In conclusion, we can see that winning arguments is vital. Being proven wrong is embarrassing and is damaging to our self-esteem and our feelings of adequacy as human beings. Relationships, while important, should take backseat to our own need to be right. We all instinctively realize how important it is to be right. We all know that this is directly connected to how we feel about ourselves.
If we could feel that being right had nothing to do with our self-worth or self-esteem then we could perhaps move on to a different way of thinking about growth and relationships. If we knew that we were already OK with God - independent of our being right or wrong - then this too could change our approach to growth and relationships. This however, we know to be wrong. After all what incentive is there to be right if being right is not a part of being OK? And if we were already OK with God independent of being right or wrong then being right would no longer be vital and the incentive of getting right and behaving right would disappear. And this we know because we know that it is important to be right.
Please join us on our next study: “How to use sarcasm to your advantage!”
Barry DuPont
Thought you might enjoy it's facetious character.
THE IMPORTANCE OF WINNING THAT ARGUMENT
Winning an argument is very important. Every time you win an argument, you further establish your superior thinking and intellect. In winning that argument you are going to feel much better about your self. In addition to this there is a very good chance that you will be able to right a wrong, and correct an error.
Being right is very important. However, you may feel at times that all the facts may not be on your side. This is when you need to 'dig deeper' and look for that 'God given' creativity that you have. Surely you can find something that you can use for leverage. It could be a skeleton in the closet or some past history that can be regurgitated. After all being proven wrong is simply humiliating. Let’s be very clear on the matter at hand. We are talking about nothing less than your very self-esteem. Once you admit to being wrong there may be no end to the vicious cycle that you have allowed to develop. Just think about it for a moment. If you are wrong this time, it is possible that you are wrong very often! Do not let this happen to you! You may never fully recuperate.
There are ways of avoiding the experience of that very embarrassing moment (losing an argument or being proven wrong). One of the tricks is to actually agree on some less than key issues or points that the other has made and then take these points into a larger setting and context that actually disproves the other person’s initial premise. This, if well executed, can successfully take the other person off guard. Once they are off guard, you have the time to gather your thoughts and prepare your explanation for how the other person’s initial points were actually wrong when seen in the greater truth. Yes it is your truth. But since being right is so very important to our feeling of self-worth and self-esteem, we can safely conclude that it is this truth that needs to be true. It is true because it is connected to our feeling of self-worth. It is connected to our feeling of self-worth because we know instinctively how important it is to be right.
There are however some dangers here. You must be somewhat careful to not appear overly arrogant. There are at least a couple of ways to avoid this unnecessary embarrassment:
If you are religiously minded you may be able to begin by presenting yourself as a humble servant of God and truth. If you chose this road you must be extra careful. Clear visible signs of needing to be right can be used against you for they are then seen as your arrogance and your unwillingness to follow the very truth that you claim that you follow. That can worsen the experience of being wrong. This is a very delicate balance to maintain.
Another approach is to claim that you are right because you follow God. The need to be right is then multiplied exponentially. Imagine the damage to your self-esteem and self-worth if you are proven wrong on the very thing that you have used to maintain that you are right! Not only have you then lost an argument and have been proven to be wrong, but also you have been shown to be wrong in your being right with God! This may indicate that you are less than a good follower of God. Needless to say, this must be avoided if at all possible.
If by chance the unthinkable occurs and you are faced with such a humiliation there are still ways of recuperating. It is quite simple actually. Adapt the newfound truth with a newfound eagerness to be right. By merging this new idea with the need to be right, one’s feelings of self-adequacy can return in no time at all. In such a case we should see this as a new start. After all we were willing to be wrong and repent and follow God. This proves our humility and furthermore our willingness to be right with God is evidenced by our willingness to accept that we were previously wrong so that now we can be right.
You may avoid the embarrassment of appearing arrogant by denying it. Just denounce the very idea, claim that you are still right, and move on to your next point. Mind you, if you are not making the claim that you are a religious person, then this is not so nearly as delicate a situation. You may appear more arrogant in this instance because your arrogance in this situation cannot be so easily used against you. You can therefore more successfully pull off the “so what if I’m a bit arrogant, I’m still right” argument. Over-do it however and it may still contribute to your loosing that argument - observable arrogance may still be a point against you. Denial is still the best choice as you can then make the case that the other person is simply attacking your character because they know that you have a better grasp of the facts. Then you can counter with the same point and call them arrogant (redirect). Even if you can’t win this argument you can still create an impasse and avoid the embarrassment of being wrong. Creating such an impasse is always preferable to loosing the argument.
In conclusion, we can see that winning arguments is vital. Being proven wrong is embarrassing and is damaging to our self-esteem and our feelings of adequacy as human beings. Relationships, while important, should take backseat to our own need to be right. We all instinctively realize how important it is to be right. We all know that this is directly connected to how we feel about ourselves.
If we could feel that being right had nothing to do with our self-worth or self-esteem then we could perhaps move on to a different way of thinking about growth and relationships. If we knew that we were already OK with God - independent of our being right or wrong - then this too could change our approach to growth and relationships. This however, we know to be wrong. After all what incentive is there to be right if being right is not a part of being OK? And if we were already OK with God independent of being right or wrong then being right would no longer be vital and the incentive of getting right and behaving right would disappear. And this we know because we know that it is important to be right.
Please join us on our next study: “How to use sarcasm to your advantage!”
Barry DuPont