Boundaries

[Laren]

Wondering if any of you have read the book Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend (i think that's his name) and if you have what you think??

My sister says it's one of the best books she has read.

I personally am struggling how to set good boundaries, now especially in light of my new understanding of God all in all, and with some of the trials i'm going through with my family.

thanks

[Amie]

I haven't read the book, though it sounds interesting. Boundaries are something that was VERY hard for me when I first realized that I had practically none. I'm getting really good at them.

What helped me the most was awakening to the guilt that I carried with me. I could say in all honesty that the abuse wasn't my fault, but I was taking the blame. If I tried rocking the boat of denial, folks would get mad at me - as if I were the one who caused the waves. And I accepted that guilt. I felt responsible for making things right in every part of my life.

It was so liberating when I decided to get the most abusive and dangerous family member out of my and my childrens' lives. Well, the decission wasn't, but answering the external family's words of shame with the likes of "This is not my fault!", "I didn't abuse myself!". Nothing that they could throw at me hurt me anymore, because I believed what I was saying.

You might be interested in reading over this thread that Barry started titled, "When to help, When to set boundaries?": http://talk-grace.com/showthread.php?t=59

I still struggle sometimes, mostly with my little sister. More and more though, I see that feeling responsible for her isn't helping her become responsible for herself.

Amie

[Laren]

thanks Amie, i'll read through it.

I found this website by the authors, and it has a bit on the book as well as other stuff. Might make for an interesting read.

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/7articles.htm