Love and Hate

[Infinite Grace]

Tonight while at Group, I think I uncovered an interesting truism of the faith. Excuse me if this takes a while to set up, but I hope that it will be worth the wait...

We all are aware of the scripture that says, "love your neighbor as yourself..." Barry has addressed this truth many times. We know, from Barry's studies and our own observations, that we need to love ourselves as God loves us in order to truly love others, our neighbors. But have you ever thought about the flip side of that?

Anyone here either the child of a substance abuser, or a substance abuser in recovery? Have you ever noticed that children of alcoholics often become alcoholics themselves? Adults who were abused as children often abuse their own children, whether sexually, physically, or verbally. Some folks call these "generational curses." It sounds religious. It is.

Religion tells us that God is not happy with us - some go so far as to claim that God actually HATES some people. As we know, those who believe that God "hates" homosexuals find themselves hating homosexuals too. If God hates Arabs who are not Christians, then we should hate them too - all of them, regardless of how they express their faith (in love or in jihad).

Now, let me propose something to you all ---- have you ever considered that what we hate the most, besides what we think God hates (if we are so inclined), is WHAT WE HATE IN OURSELVES? If we have not forgiven ourselves for wrongs done to others, don't we find ourselves hating others who do those same wrongs? And why?

Because, if we think that God hasn't forgiven us for that "sin" then he can't possibly have forgiven them for their sin, and therefore God must hate them, or at least the sin (love the sinner, hate the sin), and so we are justified in hating either them or their sin (hating only the sin seems so much less religious).

So, what I am saying in all of this is that if we find ourselves "hating" someone; e.g., a overly religious sort of fellow (not that we know anyone like that :rolleyes: ), we need to examine whether or not we have forgiven ourselves for past, or even present, self-righteous attitudes.

There are many examples that I can come up with here, but this last one should suffice to get you all thinking. What is it you find yourself "hating" (and don't try to justify by saying that you don't hate - you know what I am talking about here)? Once you identify that "hated" thing, look within yourself to see if you have any self-hatred concerning your past or present actions or attitudes. I bet you'll be surprised by what you find. I know I was tonight during Group. A whole lot of healing has been started, and God is doing it.

I hope I made sense here. As Barry has admonished us before, learn to love yourself, see yourself as God sees you. Then you can begin to love others, seeing them as God sees them. If you think you are seeing them as God sees them, but find yourself still loathing them, take a closer look at how you are viewing yourself. Do you consider yourself deeply loved by God, a special creation that he made for his own glory? Do you see yourself as perfect in love, worthy of his love because he has declared you worthy? If you do, then you should have no problem seeing others like that. For "we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

[Bill]

Ed,

I like the way you think.

Along similar lines ...

"The danger of our guilt, both personal and collective, is less that we won't take it to heart than that we'll take it to heart overmuch and let it fester there in ways that we ourselves often fail to recognize. We condemn in others the wrong we don't want to face in ourselves. We grow vindictive against the right for showing up our wrong as wrong. The sense of our own inner brokenness estranges us from the very ones who could help patch us together again. We steer clear of setting things right with the people we have wronged since their mere presence is a thorn in our flesh. Our desire to be clobbered for our guilt and thus rid of it tempts us to do things we will be clobbered for. The dismal variations are endless. More often than not, guilt is not merely the consequence of wrongdoing but the extension of it.

"Pp 34-35, Wishful Thinking, A Theological ABC by Frederick Buechner.

Bill

[backtothefuture]

Thanks Ed for this post.
You have just about described my life. I was just thinking this morning actually, the reason I am in the "grace Place" is because I stopped hating my self. When I was able to extend grace to my husband this past year, that in itself opened up an entire window of healing. When I was able to see that I could extend grace because of the grace God extended to me, it turned my world up side down. For one, my depression, though a lot due rightly to the steps of grief, has just about disappeared.:biggrinbounce:
I felt like every bad thing that had happened to me and our family was somehow my fault. I was the Christian in the family and we as a family were a mess.
As I stopped hating my self, I just can't describe the difference in my kids and my husband and me. I don't even know if anyone was aware of how I felt. I was so good at being the peace maker and the good girl.
Also, part of what I think was my breakdown period was, I could talk the talk but wasn't walking the walk. Again, my kindness some real, had motives behind it, I see now.
But because of coming into the realization or revelation of grace, I can go out now and be kind once again, but its different somehow.
Thanks,
Nancy

[ozark]

Ed,

Very good thoughts. All of our relationships are interdependent. If you can’t see the gift of righteousness for yourself, you can’t see it for your brother. If you can’t see it for your brother, you can’t see it for yourself. On the other hand if you make righteousness something you must earn, it messes up your relationship with God, your brother, and even yourself.

[davo]

Yes you are right Ozark, this works vertically and horizontally – this in one sense comes out in two various readings of Paul:

Rom 5:11 KJV And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement. [vertical – between God & man]

Rom 5:11 NKJV And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. [horizontal – between man & man]

[christyG]

Now, let me propose something to you all ---- have you ever considered that what we hate the most, besides what we think God hates (if we are so inclined), is WHAT WE HATE IN OURSELVES? If we have not forgiven ourselves for wrongs done to others, don't we find ourselves hating others who do those same wrongs? And why?


I've realized this about myself for a long time. Maybe since my children started devoloping their own personalities and those personalities were suspiciously like mine. I was able to see face to face all of the things about myself that I didn't like.

It most infuriated me when my children quipped back a sarcastic remark to me and then later I would hear myself use the same kind of remark to them. Or my darling, strong-willed child would refuse to go to bed, or make her bed, or brush her teeth, or quit running through the house, etc...:) Yes I see quite a bit of myself in my children, and loving them through it has helped me to love myself.

One of these days my strong-willed child's will, tenacity, spirit and passion will serve her very well!